One of the vital parts of writing craft we hear editors stress over and over is the need to master Deep Point of View.
DPOV makes our writing fresh and alive. It puts our readers into the character's head.
Here is a recent "before" and "after" paragraph a publishing house editor sent to her authors to remind them about 3rd person DPOV.
Kate steered her convertible over the Wright Memorial Bridge, and joined the stream of tourists and locals motoring south through Nags Head. With the top down she felt the afternoon sun warm her face and soon found herself drumming her fingers on the steering wheel to a Zack Brown song. Kate wished she’d remembered to pack her bathing suit, but in a hurry to get on the road, she’d forgotten to open the bottom drawer of the dresser in the guest room. Not that it matters, she thought. I doubt I could fit into it, anyway.
Rewrite in 3rd person DPOV by editor
Kate steered her convertible over the Wright Memorial Bridge and joined the stream of tourists and locals motoring south through Nags Head. With the top down, the afternoon sun bathed her face in warmth. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel to a Zack Brown song. The weather was perfect and ... she'd forgotten to pack her bathing suit. She thumped the steering wheel with the palm of her hand. If only she hadn't been in such a hurry to get on the road. Her suit was still in the bottom drawer of the dresser in the guest room. She sighed and drummed along with the song again. What did it really matter? She probably couldn't fit into it anyway.
Editor's note on what she removed or changed:
she felt - this is telling, in deep 3rd POV we avoid telling
soon found herself - you could leave this one but I prefer not to
Kate wished - this is telling
she thought - not needed, show with a question.
(Also changed the lapse into first person in the last sentence
into 3rd person).
Are you getting it? More on deep point of view next time. What has helped you master DPOV? Leave your comment and thanks for stopping by. Please share on twitter by clicking on the small icons below.
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