Guest Blog: How to Describe an Estranged Relative Showing Up

Great Guest Blog by Angela Ackerman  (Top photo from Elva's file. 😎😏)

Conflict Thesaurus Entry: An Estranged Relative Showing Up

Posted on April 25, 2020 by ANGELA ACKERMAN

Conflict is very often the magic sauce for generating tension and turning a ho-hum story into one that rivets readers. As such, every scene should contain a struggle of some kind. Maybe it’s an internal tug-of-war having to do with difficult decisions, morals, or temptations. Or it possibly could come from an external source—other characters, unfortunate circumstances, or the force of nature itself.

It’s our hope that this thesaurus will help you come up with meaningful and fitting conflict options for your stories. Think about what your character wants and how best to block them, then choose a source of conflict that will ramp up the tension in each scene.

Conflict: An Estranged Relative Showing Up

Category: Power struggles, relationship friction, duty and responsibilities, loss of control, ego

Examples:
An estranged parent appearing at the door unannounced
Falling out with a cousin and years later they call to ask for help
An estranged parent showing up at the hospital to meet their grandchild
A sibling that has been out of the character’s life for years in a bind asking for money
A relative banned from the character’s wedding showing up anyway
Feuding relatives showing up at a loved one’s funeral, wake, or will-reading
A child with an out-of-control addiction showing up because they’re in trouble

Minor Complications:
Anger causing rash behavior and words that can’t be taken back
Embarrassment, especially if the person shows up drunk, hungover, or behaves inappropriately in front of others
Having to navigate uncomfortable questions if the character has lied about the person in some way (that they are dead, or in a care facility, etc.)
Losing the esteem of others (the person behaving badly around colleagues, for example)
Exposing loved ones to a toxic person
The estranged relative catering to the character’s partner or child in hopes it will help them get what they want

Potentially Disastrous Results:
Being suckered into believing they have changed only to find they have not
A child building a relationship with their grandparent only to be later abandoned
The character’s hard-won esteem crashing due to gas-lighting
The character falling back into dysfunctional habits they worked hard to shake
Anger escalating to violence, and the police are called
Family drama ruining an important event (a wedding reception, graduation, etc.)
Discovering money or items are missing after this person’s arrival
The person’s arrival touching off a feud where relatives all takes sides
The estranged member causing friction in their marriage
People discovering the character’s past as they know it is a lie

Possible Internal Struggles (Inner Conflict):
Wanting approval still and so feeling weak for needing it
Struggling to not let one’s own “ugly side” take over due to unresolved anger
Wanting to resolve things but knowing it is impossible
Wanting to tell loved ones the truth behind the rift but being unable to return to the source of hurt
Anxiety over traits the character has in common with the estranged individual
Questioning their memory (especially if gas-lighting was a factor)

People Who Could Be Negatively Affected: the character themselves, loved ones (especially vulnerable ones like children or elderly relatives who could be taken advantage of)

Resulting Emotions: anger, anxiety, appalled, betrayed, bitterness, certainty, conflicted, confusion, contempt, defensiveness, defiant, disgust, disillusionment, dread, emasculated, embarrassment, flustered, frustration, grief, guilt, hatred, homesick, hopefulness, humiliation, hurt, insecurity, longing, neglected, rage, regret, reluctance, remorse, resentment, resignation, sadness, schadenfreude, scorn, self-loathing, self-pity, shame, shock, skepticism, suspicion, vengeful, vindicated, vulnerability, worthlessness

Personality Flaws that May Make the Situation Worse: abrasive, addictive, callous, confrontational, forgetful, hypocritical, indecisive, martyr, needy, perfectionist, subservient, timid, violent, volatile, weak-willed

Positive Outcomes: 
If both parties regret the past, perhaps a more functional future can be achieved through forgiveness and accountability
Sometimes a person needs closure. Seeing the person again and knowing they haven’t changed may allow the character to move on.
If the character needed information (say on a birth parent to be able to fill out accurate health histories for their child), it is possible they can finally get it even if that is the only positive of the person returning.

If you’re interested in other conflict options, you can find them here.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this conflict thesaurus is still being developed, the rest of our descriptive collection (15 unique thesauri and growing) is available at our main site, One Stop for Writers.

Swing by and check out the video walkthrough, and then give our Free Trial a spin.

About ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, an online library packed with powerful tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

View all posts by ANGELA ACKERMAN →

                                                  ***

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you enjoyed Angela's great article. I'm saving it for my file.  Have you had an estranged relative show back up? How did you handle it? Please leave your comment and share.

Elva 

Elva Cobb Martin is 2020 President of the SC Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College.  She has three inspirational novels published, Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and two historical romances, In a Pirate’s Debt, and Marisol, Book 1 in a new Charleston Brides series for  Wild Heart Books. All three novels have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction.

Link to all her books: http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI

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John Adams' Faith in Time of Crisis -Guest Blog By William Federer

by William Federer John Adams wrote to his cousin, Rev. Zabdiel Adams, June 21, 1776: "Statesmen, my dear Sir, may plan and speculate for liberty, but it is religion and morality alone, which can establish the principles upon which freedom can securely stand. The only foundation of a free Constitution is pure virtue, and if this cannot be inspired into our people in a greater measure, than they have it now, they may change their rulers and the forms of Government, but they will not obtain a lasting liberty."

America's God and Country Encyclopedia of Quotations

On July 1, 1776, John Adams wrote to Archibald Bullock: "The object is great which we have in view, and we must expect a great expense of blood to obtain it. But we should always remember that a free Constitution of civil Government cannot be purchased at too dear a rate as there is nothing, on this side (of) the New Jerusalem, of equal importance to Mankind."

On July 1, 1776, John Adams spoke to the delegates of the Thirteen Colonies at the Continental Congress: "Before God, I believe the hour has come. My judgment approves this measure, and my whole heart is in it. All that I have, and all that I am, and all that I hope in this life, I am now ready here to stake upon it. And I leave off as I began, that live or die, survive or perish, I am for the Declaration. It is my living sentiment, and by the blessing of God it shall be my dying sentiment. Independence now, and Independence forever!"

The Continental Congress selected John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Robert R. Livingston, Roger Sherman and Thomas Jefferson to be on the committee to draft the Declaration of Independence. John Adams personally urged Thomas Jefferson to write the draft. In contemplating the effect that separation from England would mean to him personally, John Adams wrote: "If it be the pleasure of Heaven that my country shall require the poor offering of my life, the victim shall be ready, at the appointed hour of sacrifice, come when that hour may. But while I do live, let me have a country, and that a free country!"

On July 3, 1776, the day following Congress' approval of the Declaration of Independence, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail Adams: "It is the will of heaven that the two countries should be sundered forever. It may be the will of heaven that America shall suffer calamities still more wasting and distresses yet more dreadful ... The furnace of affliction produces refinements, in states as well as individuals ... You will see in a few days a Declaration setting forth the causes, which have impelled us to this mighty revolution, and the reasons which will justify it in the sight of God and man ... The new governments we are assuming ... will require a purification from our vices and an augmentation of our virtues or they will be no blessings. The people will have unbounded power. And the people are extremely addicted to corruption and venality, as well as the great. I am not without apprehensions from this quarter, but I must submit all my hopes and fears to an overruling Providence, in which, unfashionable as the faith may be, I firmly believe."

As the 2nd President, John Adams wrote, April 26, 1777: "Posterity! You will never know how much it cost the present generation to preserve your freedom! I hope you will make a good use of it. If you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it."

Check out William J. Federer's YouTube Channel

John Adams' son, John Quincy Adams, was the 6th U.S. President. He stated, March 4, 1825: "'Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh in vain,' with fervent supplications for His favor, to His overruling Providence I commit with humble but fearless confidence my own fate and the future destinies of my country."                                            *** Hope the above article inspired you during this crisis time in America battling the Covid-19 virus. My family is choosing to live in Psalm 91 and defeat fear in all its forms.  Psalm 23 is a great blessing, too! We are praying for America to come back to God and His word. This is our way to mercy and victory. May the Lord bless and keep you is my prayer today! Elva Martin

How I Write a Novel - Part 3 Second Draft

by Elva Cobb Martin

To recap this series, in Part 1 we shared how important prayer and faith are in writing Christian Fiction. I shared a special prayer I pray over my writing and some strong Christian Writer's Faith Confessions. Find that blog here: http://bit.ly/2I4PPqA


In Part 2 I shared how I plot storm, then write that difficult first draft to get the main plot points down without much editing. I describe documents I open up and save on my computer that I'll keep adding to as I write the first draft.  To read that blog, click here: http://bit.ly/386UnXX

Now we begin Part 3 - The Second Draft. This draft seems easier than the first draft when I was working hard to get the main points of the story down. So I now have my story, the beginning, middle and end, in about 40,000 words. My goal is 60,000 for this second draft, so I must keep writing. 

In the second draft, I do some fine tuning:

• Add more details, descriptions, research, I skipped or skimped on to finish the first draft.
• Check for staying in deep point of view (DPOV) with each main character's voice.
• Add the five senses more
• Double check the book's opening hook and make sure each chapter ends with a CLIFFHANGER hook to keep readers reading.
• Evaluate/strengthen the three main parts of my story: the romance, the adventure (outside happenings that affect the H/H), and the spiritual arc or how my H/H will grow in their faith, or be tested or learn to overcome.

Next time I'll share how important I've found it to be, to print out that second draft and what I check for.

Thanks for stopping by. Would love your comments about how you write a novel. Please share on your social media by clicking on the small icons below.

Blessings,

Elva

Elva Cobb Martin is 2020 President of the SC Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College.  She has three inspirational novels published, Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and two historical romances, In a Pirate’s Debt, and Marisol, Book 1 in a new Charleston Brides series for  Wild Heart Books. All three novels have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction.

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How I Write a Novel - Part 2 First Draft

by Elva Cobb Martin

The first draft is actually the most difficult to finish and you should celebrate when you finish! It means you've got the main parts of your story down.

So how DO I get that first draft down? I have another series of blogs on "Planning Your Novel" in more detail. This series is on our ACFW-SC Chapter blog. Start the first one at http://bit.ly/2tHM32L.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I was praying last week and asking the Lord to help me get started what I  call plotstorming for Book 3, Anna Grace, in the Charleston Brides Series, and right in the middle of my praying a simple outline, my novel in  a nutshell, came into mind. In about ten minutes I was able to jot down an opening/hooking scene idea, and what the first third of the book would probably need to  cover, basic ideas the middle would need to cover, and then the final third and ending main scene idea. I had my initial story line in a few minutes!

All this was jotted down in a few sentences, one page, but I breathed a sigh of relief. I now knew where I was going, some of the things that would happen in the middle and how the story should end. OF COURSE, any or all of this can change or be modified, but it felt so good to get this much down.

Now I must admit, I had already been doing a lot of reading and research in my time period and genre. That's so important to help the ideas flow. (See more on that in the "Planning Your Novel" series mentioned above).

So after I left my prayer time, I later came to the computer and opened up a new document to begin serious plotstorming of Anna Grace. I saved it as
01 Anna Grace Plotstorming Book 3 Charleston Brides series.  The 01 designation means it will be at the top beginning of my documents and easy to find fast.

This Plotstorming Document will include :

1) The opening, middle and ending scene ideas expanded to a page or more each, as various scenes come to mind.

2) Three Plot Outlines I will work out from #1: 

• The Romance Plot - how will the romance begin, hit conflict, end happily?

• The Adventure Plot - what exciting things will be happening to my H/H? (Shipwreck, kidnapping, surprises?)

• Spiritual Plot - the main spiritual theme of the book shown in the spiritual arcs of the main characters as they face conflict and life. How will this progress?

3) A list of characters' names, descriptions and some photos from the net.

4) Research segments will be saved in separate files, but under the main name of Anna Grace.  ( Ex. Anna Grace - Charleston Under Siege

Next, I will begin the actual writing of the first draft. I will save that document as 01 Anna Grace ms in progress in Times New Roman, double spaced, etc.

I will also open up a new document and save it as:
01 Anna Grace Chapter Outline
Here I will do a scene by scene list as I write scenes in each chapter and with page numbers of the start and ending of each chapter. (Yes, page numbers WILL change in the 2nd draft and I'll note the changes then).

My best plan is to write the FIRST draft as fast as I can, with little editing, and not stopping to describe a gown or place in detail. I aim to get down the main plot points and twists. I usually end up with about 45,000 words of a projected 60,000 word novel. But I celebrate that I've FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT. 

Next Time: Writing the Second Draft

Thanks for stopping by. Would love your comments of how you write a novel. And please do share this blog on your social media.

Happy Valentines,
Elva Martin

Elva Cobb Martin is 2020 President of the SC Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has three inspirational novels published, Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and two historical romances, In a Pirate’s Debt, and Marisol, Book 1 in a new Charleston Brides series for  Wild Heart Books. All three novels have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. She and her husband Dwayne are retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com, Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin  
 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon: http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI