Showing posts with label #showdon'ttell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #showdon'ttell. Show all posts

Friday, March 1, 2019

Mother-Lode of Links for Struggle to SHOW

By Guest Angela Ackerman

Struggle to Show, Not Tell Emotion? Here’s a Mother-lode of Description Links!

As you can imagine, we’re pretty amped that The Emotion Thesaurus Second Edition is here. We hope you find those extra 55 emotions and double the teaching content is a big help as you craft stronger character emotion.
These posts below are packed with great ideas for showing emotion:
Podcast Interview with Angela (Blood, Sweat, and Words)
7 Things Your Character Is Hiding (Helping Writers Become Authors)
We hope you enjoy these posts!
Happy writing! ðŸ™‚

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Hope you enjoy these great links from guest blogger Angela Ackerman. She's been a blessing to my writing. Feel free to share by clicking on the small icons below.

Blessings,
Elva Martin

Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin    
 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Creating Romantic Tension & Conflict in a Novel - Part 2 The First Kiss

by Elva Cobb Martin

The first kiss between my hero and heroine is a vital scene in a romance novel. I work on this scene diligently, refining, adding the five senses, and other details to make the scene come alive.

The follow up, reaction/response, scenes to the kiss from the POV of both hero and heroine are also important in a romance. 

Here's an excerpt of the first kiss from my current wip, Marisol. It takes place in Chapter 10 --but remember we've had at least two "almost" kisses before this to show the mutual attraction of the h/h.

We pick up the story after Marisol has danced the flamenco with an Andalusian stallion accompanying her. She has unfortunately attracted the powerful Viceroy of Grenada who thinks she danced it for him. In reality she danced it for the hero, Ethan.


Ethan caught up with her at the stairs as she started up. “Marisol, wait I want to talk to you.”
She didn’t look back but nodded and he followed up two more flights to a secluded landing near the chapel. When they were alone and no sound of the dance below reached their ears, she turned to face him. Shock rolled over him to see tears overflowing her lovely eyes. She lowered her head from his intense stare.
“What is wrong?” He took her by the shoulders and forced her to look up. “Did that man, that viceroy or whatever he was, say or do something untoward to you?” Heat flushed through him at the thought.
                                               ***
Through her tears she couldn’t control, Marisol looked at Captain Ethan Beckett, currently Father Garcia in his brown robe that hardly hid his muscular form or camouflaged his strong tanned hands now gripping her. His manly scent laced with spice enveloped her. She blinked, but still the salty flow gushed out. She couldn’t speak, at least not what her heart wanted to admit—that the Flamenco dance was done for him, with only him in her heart, and that she hated he was not her partner on the dance floor moments earlier. But it had gone awry. The Viceroy of Granada, a man her aunt had told her was the most powerful man on the Spanish Main, had somehow thought her flamboyant dance was especially for him. She had attracted a man she never dreamed of attracting, and she had no idea how to deal with the situation. Worst of all, he reminded her of Diego Vargas.
Finally, she found her voice, though hoarse. “No, he didn’t do anything…to me.” She looked into Ethan’s intense gray eyes, filled with compassion for her—was it compassion or something else? 
A sudden desire possessed her to speak the truth to this man she so admired and respected. “I did the Flamenco for you, Ethan, only you, not this, this viceroy, who seems to think I danced for him.” Had she spoken the words or only thought them?
Something like a light came on in his gray eyes. He drew her to him and raised her chin with his thumb. He perused her face, setting her heart afire. When he kissed away the tears, she began to tremble. Slowly, like a sleepwalker, he bent and touched her lips with his own. Her eyes closed of their own accord. The next instant he crushed her to him and his lips possessed hers with desire and urgency. Never had she known such a kiss. Fireworks exploded in her mind and body. Just as suddenly he pulled away from her and held her at arm’s length. Had he not gripped her shoulders tightly, her knees would have folded. He spoke one word.
“Marisol.” He started to release her but caught her before she fell. “I should not have done that. I would never take advantage of you. Will you forgive me?”
Her whispered words surprised him. 
“I don’t regret it.”
“You don’t?” Now a smile tugged at the corners of his thin lips that had so recently set hers aflame.
She leaned against the wall, took a deep breath and dared to look into his grey eyes,  smoldering in intensity. “Do you?”
A grin lit up his tanned face, parted his beard and revealed even white teeth. “Well, I daresay there’s not another priest on the Spanish Main who would be here, not only not regretting it, but wishing to do it again.” He reached for her.
She laughed and pushed him away. “I must go check on Samuel.”Thank God for simple tasks that could suspend the crackling tension between them. She started to move around him. He encircled her again in his arms and leaned to whisper in her ear. “I will not forget this, or you, Marisol. One day…” He hesitated and drew in a ragged breath. “But for now we must be very careful that no hint of what has happened here today is revealed on our faces or by our words.” He lifted her chin. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.” She saw his eyes move to her lips, and she ducked under his arm and started back down the stairs. She held onto the railing, not yet trusting her legs to hold her. His whispered goodbye followed her.      
                                                                             ***
                                                       



Thanks for stopping by. Do you have any refining comments on this scene? I'd love to have them. Please do share this blog on your social media by clicking on the small icons below.
Blessings,
Elva

Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. Jim Hart of Hartline Literary represents her. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin    
 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI



Friday, August 31, 2018

Show Don't Tell Description- Part 5 Fight Scene Verbs

by Elva Cobb Martin


It is so important to write fight scenes in the show versus tell mode and that's something I've studied since I have fight scenes in my novels.

Here are some strong verbs I've collected to help show fight scenes:


assault, apprehend, aim, arrest, ambush
bushwhack, blow, block, batter, butt, bump, bash,
clenched jaw, charge, crouch, crash, collide, collapse, clutch, choke,           clobber, capture, conk, claw
dodge, dive, deliver, drive, duck, dash, dance, daze, dart
explode, enjoin, elude, evade
fumble, flick, flay, flip, 
growl, grunt, gyrate, gouge, grapple, grate, gasp, grasp, grab,
hack, harass, hesitate, hover, hurl, hurtle,
inflict, injure, jab, jump, jounce, jerk, kick, knock, kill
lash, lunge,
melded, maul, maim, mangle, mutilate, maim, nail, nick, nip,
panic, paralyze, parry, pin, pitch, plunge, poke, pounce, prod, propel,       pry, pummel, pump, pound, punch
ram, ransack, rattle, reel, repel, repulse, resist, retaliate, retreat,           retrieve, rip, roll, rush,
saw, scamper, scatter, scrape, scuffle, seize, sever, shave, shear, shield, shock, shout, shove, sidestep, skid, skirt, slacken, slam, slap, slit, slash, smack, snap, snarl, snicker, sock, sprint, spin, stagger, stamp, strip, stroke, stumble, stun, subdue, surrender, swagger, sway, swerve, swat,    swing, sidestep, strip, shoot, stab, stun, scratch, snatch
tackle, taunt, tear, terrorize, thrash, throw, tackle, tilt, tip, toss, tout,           trap, trip, tug, tumble, twist, throttle, thump
vanquish, vaulted,
wedged, whacked, whip, whirl, wiggle, wreck, wrench, wrestle,
yell, yank, yelp, 
zap

Here's how I have described my heroine swords-woman, Marisol, in a scene in my wip:
Marisol joined swords with the pirate. Blow after blow clanged through the room and sparks flew from the steel blades as the two moved in a macabre dance. The man's dark eyes widened and his growls grew louder as Marisol met every advance with a precise defense. 
She proved too fast, agile, and accurate for the larger man. Before all the women were out in the passage she whacked a strike on his chest, slashing into his baldric. He snarled and lunged toward her but she easily sidestepped his thrust.   


Thanks for stopping by. Do you have some strong fight verbs to add to our list? Please share by clicking on the small icons below.

Blessings,

Elva


Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. Jim Hart of Hartline Literary represents her. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin
 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI







Friday, August 24, 2018

Show Don't Tell Descriptions - Part 4 Body Movements

by Elva Cobb Martin


Today I want to share some show, don't tell descriptions for body movements that will make our readers see what we are trying to describe.


He lifted her chin with his hand and gazed into her eyes. (Look at Gable's romantic body movement with Scarlet)


He put his hand on her shoulder in a possessive gesture.

His sudden iron grip on her wrist halted her flight.

Her slender hands twisted in her lap.

He slammed his hand on the desk.

He held up a hand to silence her.

She turned away, her hands clenched at her sides.

He waved his hand in a gesture of dismissal.

He ran his hand over his cropped hair.

His hand lingered too long in its clasp.

He drove his fist into his palm.

He cupped the warm mug in his huge hand.

He pushed stray tendrils of hair from her cheek.

She bent her head and studied her hands.

With a tip of his head, he motioned her to the chair beside him.

She raised her chin with a cool stare in his direction.
                                       ***

Thanks for stopping by. Can you add some show don't tell body movements to our list?  Please share by clicking on the small icons below.

Blessings,
Elva

Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. Jim Hart of Hartline Literary represents her. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin
 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI






Sunday, August 12, 2018

Show Don't Tell Descriptions - Part 3 Positive Facial Expressions

by Elva Cobb Martin

We've covered good show, don't tell descriptions in general and negative facial expressions. Today I want to share some positive facial expressions we can show versus tell.

A small smile of enchantment touched his lips.

She smiled in contentment, smelling the faint citrus scent of his after-shave.

A grin overtook his features.

A thoughtful smile curved her lips.

A smile found its way through the mask of uncertainty.

He gave her a smile that sent her pulses racing.

His face split into a wide grin.

His grin flashed briefly, dazzling against his olive skin.

A smile ruffled her mouth.

The glow of his look warmed her across the room.

Her smile was eager and alive with affection and delight.

With a slow, secret smile, she understood.

From my Summer of Deception romantic suspense after the first kiss: "As she walked up the steps to her room, a smile continued to curve Rachel's lips, still warm from his kiss.

                                       ***
Thanks for stopping by. Do you have positive facial expressions you can add to our list? Please do share by clicking on the small icons below.

Blessings,
Elva 


Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. Jim Hart of Hartline Literary represents her. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin
 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI






Sunday, August 5, 2018

Show, Don't Tell Descriptions - Part 2 Negative Facial Expressions

by Elva Cobb Martin

Show, don't tell is so important for us writers that I keep adding information to my file and studying books on the subject.

Here are some favorite negative facial expressions I've noted  from my research or composed.

His face turned to marble as he cast a searing glance toward his unwanted passenger.    (Do you think my description of Horatio Hornblower in this picture shows versus tells?)

His mouth spread into a thin-lipped smile.

His mouth pulled into a sour grin.

Offering her a distracted nod, he returned her smile.

Her smile held a touch of sadness.

She smile smoothly, betraying nothing of her annoyance.

His mouth took on an unpleasant twist.

He contradicted her with a smile that set her teeth on edge.

A satanic smile spread across his thin lips.

She pasted on a smile of nonchalance.

His face became a marble effigy of contempt.

The familiar mask descended once again.

His expression held a note of mockery.

Her features tightened and her eyes turned hard.

She looked away fast at the sight of his scowl.

                               ***

Have you some negative expressions that show, don't tell to add to our list? Great facial descriptions are great to edit into your second draft. Thanks for stopping by. Please share by clicking on the small icons below.

Blessings,
Elva Martin

Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. Jim Hart of Hartline Literary represents her. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin

 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI






Friday, July 13, 2018

Show Don't Tell Descriptions - Part 1

by Elva Cobb Martin

As authors we have to keep sharpening our show don't tell skills. When I read, I take notes on examples of good descriptions that show us rather than tell us. This helps us master the technique. 

See if the sentences/phrases below help inspire you. They are my descriptive notes from a novel of a New York Times bestselling mystery author. This is one of the reasons she's enjoyed by so many readers! Can you SEE what she is describing?

The air was hot and heavy, as if it had already been breathed, and tasted faintly stale. (at a grave yard during funeral)

She looked tired and rumpled.

His voice lifted as he warmed to the subject.

He loved inflicting pain, that she knew as surely as any animal knows its predator by sight and smell.

She forced a smile and feared it might be more like bared teeth.

A look of venom hardened her face before she mastered it and ironed it out.

Charlotte knew exactly when the woman caught sight of Jacob. Her face changed. The full lower lip came forward, and the skin tightened across her cheeks.

Her voice, when it came, was as brittle as splintered glass.

Do these examples inspire you? With slight changes we may be able to use these great examples of show/don't tell descriptions.
And also come up with new ones.


Here are some descriptions of mine:


From Summer of Deception after the hero Luke Barrett has come back to God and had his faith restored. This is how I described what he felt later.

"As Luke walked across the lawn, the grass appeared greener, the flowers of the garden path more brilliant. A harmony filled his inner being, and he started to whistle."


http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI

Here's part of a scene from In a Pirate's Debt as the hero, Captain Bloodstone, (ancestor of Luke Barrett above) wrestles with the enemy in his dungeon cell on the eve of his proposed execution.

"Fury singed his mind and body. If he could just get his hands around Roger Poole's neck. That murderous thought brought others and Lucas fell into a hellish, demonic wrestling that lasted hours...Finally, exhausted and weary with the visions and the damp darkness about him, Lucas fell to his knees and cried out to God for deliverance from his anger and his unforgiveness. The response came swiftly, peacefully, like a gentle hand on his head. He looked up and saw a thin ray of sunlight filter down from the small barred window announcing morning."


Thanks for stopping by. Can you give me some good descriptive phrases or sentences that inspire you to add to my file?  Please click on the small links below to share this blog.

Be blessed today is my prayer for you,
Elva


Elva Cobb Martin is vice-president of the South Carolina Chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers. She is a former school teacher and a graduate of Anderson University and Erskine College. She has two inspirational novels published with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas. Summer of Deception, a contemporary romantic suspense, and an historical romance, In a Pirate’s Debt. Both have spent time on Amazon’s 100 Best Sellers List for Women’s Religious Fiction. She has indie published a Bible study on Amazon, Power Over Satan, on the  believer's authority in Christ. Decision, Charisma, and Home Life have carried Elva's articles. Jim Hart of Hartline Literary represents her. She and her husband Dwayne are semi-retired ministers. A mother and grandmother, Elva lives in South Carolina. Connect with her on her web site http://www.elvamartin.com,on Twitter www.twitter.com/ElvaCobbMartin; Facebook http://www.facebook.com/elvacobbmartin;  and Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/elvacobbmartin


 Link to her romance novels and non-fiction works on Amazon:http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI






Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Flat Speaker Beats Vs. Beats That Tell a Story


Guest Blog by Andrea Merrell, Author and Assoc. Editor, Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas

I am happy to welcome Andrea Merrell as a guest blogger today on Carolina Romance. Here are her tips about good speaker beats that will help your novel or creative nonfiction succeed. 
We’re taught the concept at writers’ conferences, read about it in helpful blog posts, and hear it from our critique group: show—don’t tell. This key to writing well can make or break an otherwise good story.  One way to be sure you’re showing your story is by using descriptive speaker beats. But first, let’s look at the difference between tags and beats.


Speaker Tags

A speaker tag shows the speaker’s name and a speech-related verb (said, asked, shouted). This is generally the best way to indicate which of your characters is speaking, but sometimes we tend to overuse tags. They’re not necessary each time someone speaks, especially in a long section of dialogue.



Example: “That’s a lovely dress you’re wearing,” Wendy said.

                     “Thank you so much,” Beverly replied.

                     “Where did you get it?” Wendy asked.

                   “It came from Dillard’s,” Beverly answered.

                     “Oh, that’s my favorite department store,” Wendy said.


Speaker Beats

A speaker beat is the action or internal thoughts that accompany what the speaker is saying. It also indicates who is doing the speaking.



Example: “I can’t believe you said that.” Jessie grabbed her keys and headed for the door.

Example: Tears rolled down Susie’s face. “It was a mistake. Please forgive me.”



Just like tags, don’t overuse beats. Too many will interrupt the flow of dialogue. They’re not necessary every time, but they work well to set the scene when used correctly.



Here are a few common speaker beats that are not only telling but redundant and, well … flat—especially when used over and over in a manuscript:

  • She smiled.
  • He laughed.
  • She cried.
  • He shrugged.
  • She nodded.
  • He cleared his throat.
  • She blushed.
  • He flexed his jaw.
  • She sighed.
  • He winked.
  • She straightened her shoulders.
  • He raked his hand through his hair.

Am I saying it’s never okay to use these beats? Yes and no. An occasional she smiled or he shrugged might be acceptable, but not just as a filler. And not if you want the reader to relate to your characters and feel like they’re watching them on the big screen. We need to show the emotions and inner conflict of our characters. Let’s look at another example.


Flat Speaker Beats

“I’ll be home soon,” Steve said. “Sorry, I forgot about the party.” He laughed.


Julie sighed. “You don’t listen to anything I say, do you?”


“Sure I do.” Steve shrugged. “I just don’t have the best memory.”


“You don’t care about my feelings. That’s the problem.” Julie cried.


What do you get from this section of dialogue? Not much. In fact, it’s pretty boring. We don’t even know whose point of view we’re in. Let’s set the scene a little better.

Speaker Beats that Tell a Story

“I’ll be home soon,” Steve said with a nervous laugh, wishing for the hundredth time he had put tonight’s party on his mobile calendar. He would have a hard time talking himself out of this one.

Julie’s weary sigh cut through the phone like a knife and reminded him of all the other important events he had conveniently forgotten. “You don’t listen to anything I say, do you?”

Steve shrugged his shoulders in a nervous gesture—the way he always did when he knew he was wrong—even though no one could see him. “Sure I do. I just don’t have the best memory.” Well, that was at least partially true. No need to make the situation worse.

“You don’t care about my feelings.” As usual, the sound of crying replaced the sigh. “That’s the problem,” Julie said between sobs. “You’ve never cared.”

Do you see the difference? Can you feel the conflict and tension between the two? Paint a picture with your words and pull your reader into the story.

Andrea Merrell is an associate editor with Christian Devotions Ministries and Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. She is also a professional freelance editor and was a finalist for the 2016 Editor of the Year Award at BRMCWC. She teaches workshops at writers’ conferences and has been published in numerous anthologies and online venues. Andrea is a graduate of Christian Communicators and a finalist in the 2015 USA Best Book Awards. She is the author of Murder of a Manuscript, Praying for the Prodigal, and Marriage: Make It or Break It. For more information visit www.AndreaMerrell.com or www.TheWriteEditing.com.

Andrea's latest release is, Marriage: Make It or Break It.

Thanks for stopping by today. Do you have samples of good speaker beats to share? Please leave your comments and share this blog on your social media.

http://ctt.ec/dzJo7  Click to tweet.

Elva Cobb Martin