Getting the First Page Right--Hopefully

by  Elva Cobb Martin

Recently I took the first pages of my wip, Spanish Captive, for critiquing to a writers' group hosted by Yvonne Lehman in Black Mountain, North Carolina. The writers present had some great advice. I think. I also did the same for our ACFW-SC Chapter meeting the following week. Diana Flegal in Yvonne's group suggested I start the first page with a particular sentence that I had in the middle of page 2. So, when I took the same pages to the ACFW-SC critique group, I rewrote the first page, as an alternate option, beginning with that sentence. Every member of the ACFW-SC critique group agreed that the second beginning with this new opening was best.  Here are the two pages. What do you think?

Beginning #1

Jamaica 1700’s       (Inspirational historical romance)

 Chapter 1    

Hidden deep in the ship's hold, Seema Valentin rocked her sleeping charge on her lap. If only she could keep two-year-old Joshua quiet and their presence secret for a few more hours. Once they were well out to sea, surely the captain and Lucas Barrett would not turn back to Jamaica. Would Captain Wentworth be furious she’d stowed away with his son?

Reverend Ethan Wentworth, now Captain Wentworth of his own ship, a French merchantman. Just thinking her indentured master’s name, not to mention his new status, caused Seema’s heart to jump against her ribs and her breath to catch. But the next moment, moisture gathered in her eyes and her shoulders curled. Her secret past weighed like a sack of stones upon her back.

The child whimpered and awoke.

Shaking aside her troubled thoughts, Seema looked down into the bright eyes of the toddler, his rosy face a perfect blend of his deceased mother’s and Reverend Wentworth’s. He had Hannah Wentworth’s fair skin and oval face, but his father Ethan’s startling pewter eyes, wide forehead and curly chestnut hair. Having been the child’s nanny since he was a newborn, Joshua seemed like her own.

 “Good morning, little man,” she whispered and kissed him on the cheek. “We’re on an adventure with your father and Mr. Barrett. You’re on a real ship. Your father’s own ship, as a matter of fact. Feel the movement? Hear the waves lapping the hull? Isn’t it wonderful? You’ll get to be with your father every day.”

And so will I. But what chance would a soiled piece of goods like her ever have with a man like him?

                                      ***                                                           Beginning #2  

Charles Town 1700's  

Chapter 1

My hero Captain Ethan Wentworth

Ethan Wentworth had been gone six months and seemed changed in many ways.

Cloaked in the early morning shadows of the cemetery, Seema Valentin watched him place flowers on his wife's grave. Her heart hammered against her ribs so hard, she feared he might hear. He’d left Charles Town as the grieving minister of the small Presbyterian Church. He had returned as a privateer captain of his own ship.

His bronzed face and thicker arms and torso only hinted at the greater change Seema sensed in his heart. How had he become what many would call a pirate?

Ethan turned and Seema shrank behind a monument. But he saw her.

“Seema.” His deep voice rooted her bare feet in the dew-laden grass.

He walked toward her. “I’m glad you followed me. I have something to tell you.”

Trembling, she looked into his pale grey, almost pewter, eyes. He stood a head taller than she.

“You must know how much I appreciate—and Hannah appreciated—your care for our Joshua these past two years.”

She nodded and heat climbed up her neck at his closeness. A scent of sea, leather and spice tantalized her senses. 

“However, my parents are immigrating to Charles Town, and Cousin Emma is coming too.They will take over Joshua’s care.”

Joshua. His child she'd cared for since a newborn. Her heart fell to her feet and the blood drained from her cheeks. What was he saying? 

He searched her face and hesitated. Then he laid a broad, warm hand on her shoulder. “But in no wise are you to fret about your future. I’m going to grant you freedom from any indentured obligation, and I'll also help you return to your home and family. Wherever that is.” 

Seema averted her face and tried to swallow, but her throat had gone dry. She could never return home.

                                            ***

Which beginning do you like best and why? Would love to hear your comments. This book is actually Book 2 in a series. 

Onward!

Elva Martin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

My Review of MaryLu Tyndall's Charity's Cross

MaryLu Tyndall is one of the most satisfying writers I know of historical romance and adventure, not to mention inspirational historical romance which puts her out front of most historical authors I read. 

Her just released historical romance, Charity’s Cross, underscores this assertion in many ways from the engrossing hook in the first line to the wonder-if-it’s-gonna-to- happen HEA ending on the last page. I’ve read most of Tyndall’s romances, and Charity Westcott and Elias Dutton may be her best drawn hero and heroine ever. In Charity’s Cross you’ll not only get an exciting read of romance on the high seas, which is one of Tyndall’s trademarks, but you’ll also rejoice to see two flawed, vulnerable people struggle their way to God’s complete forgiveness, restoration, and a new beginning.

For writers, Charity’s Cross is a fresh work of fiction to study how the major plots of inspirational romance are played out and meshed into a great novel—the romance plot, the spiritual plot, and what I call the mystery plot or surprises (good and bad). Tyndall is a master of GMC (goals/motivation/conflict) for her characters which makes you burn the midnight oil to finish the story. She is also creator of unique details like Charity repeating verses of a nursery rhyme, as a mantra, to translate her away from something terrible happening that she can’t control, like the abuse of her former husband.

I am happy to give five stars to Charity’s Cross and advise all you romance readers and writers: Get the book! Share it.

   

Thanks for stopping by. Please share your comments.

Elva Cobb Martin

Character Sketch of a Pirate Hero

by Elva Cobb Martin

Portrait of Pirate Hero Captain Lucas "Bloodstone" Barrett

This is actually Scottish actor Gerard Butler in his role as Attila. 

                Character Sketch

Career: Buccaneer captain/privateer/pirate and new Christian, educated by tutor father

Description models: Gerard Butler, Errol Flynn, Robert Taylor, Johnny Depp

Age: 25

Height/hair/coloring: 6' 4" tall,  long dark hair often in plaits; tanned
    by long days in the tropical sun on deck of his ship, the Blue Heron.

Build: lithe, muscular

Eyes: startling green that shoot sparks when angry (like the bloodstone   gem from which he got his nickname)

Strengths: leadership skills, master of the sea and sailing ships, physical prowess, swordsmanship, takes up for underdog, hates slavery, hard worker, determined to live our his new found Christian faith.

Weaknesses: inability to forgive master of his indentured parents and what happened to them, and wanting to wreck revenge on Spain for the Inquisition and his parent's capture.

History: Lucas was born in England of a noble mother who married a tutor and was then disowned by her wealthy family. The family came to Charles Town as indentured servants when Lucas was 10. Their papers were bought by Sir Roger Poole, Sr., who mistreated them. The parents were captured by the Spanish while being sent on a ship to the Poole's sugar plantation in Jamaica. Lucas ran away and joined the British navy and gained much knowledge about sailing and leading men. As the story opens, he has his own merchant ship which he also uses for privateering when it suits him. He has recently been led to the Lord by Rev. Ethan Wentworth and his wife Hannah when they begged passage on his ship from England to Charles Town.

Spiritual
As a new Christian Lucas has battles to fight with his old nature and with forgiveness to those who have wronged him or his parents. He is respected by most of his crew. He will find his faith greatly tested as the story progresses.

Do you have other traits to add to a hero's character sketch? Next time we may take a look at a villain's character sketch.

Thanks for stopping by. Do leave a comment and I hope you'll  share the blog on Twitter and FB, if you liked it.

Elva Cobb Martin

Detailed Character Sketch for Travay Allston

by Elva Cobb Martin @elvacobbmartin

If you read my previous blog, you will know that last week I sent in my requested full manuscript, In a Pirate's Debt, to a publishing house. Today I want to begin sharing how I prepared to write this inspirational historical novel. It finished out at 74,000 words.

In preparation to plot In a Pirate's Debt, I wrote out a detailed character sketch of my heroine and hero. Here is the sketch I completed for my heroine, Travay Allston, age 17.

First, I found a photo I liked. It's a lot easier to fill in characteristics while looking at a photo. I found this on the internet, I think for hair color ads, and I don't actually know the model's name.

Travay Allston, heroine, In a Pirate's Debt

Character Sketch

Physical and Emotional Attributes: 

Golden auburn hair, blue eyes, full lips, flawless ivory complexion, feminine, a smile that lights up a room.
Medium height - five foot seven inches, slender but well endowed (Olivia de Havilland, Maureen O'Hara)
Age: 17
Educated, able horsewoman, can do needlework, knows how to run a large house.
Fiery, proud, independent spirit, quick temper, quick to judge and jump to conclusions but also has determination, courage, and tenacity.

History

Born In Charles Town on a rice plantation to wealthy parents, Travay takes riches and position for granted and is proud. Governesses and her mother taught her how to be an accomplished, aristocratic young woman. A boy from the Poole's neighboring plantation, Lucas Barrett, the son of indentured parents, was her frequent childhood play mate whom she often got into trouble. He later ran away to sea. When she was 10 her planter father was killed by pirates coming back from a trip to England. When Travay was 12 her mother remarried a deceitful charmer and gambler, Karston Reed. He lost the Charles Town rice plantation in a game and moved Travea and her mother to their sugar plantation in Jamaica. He is cruel, heartless and greedy and Travay's mother dies an early death when Travay is 17. Her stepfather loses the sugar plantation and Travay's hand in marriage to Sir Roger Poole. The story opens with the scene of Travay running away to escape this terrible fate. 

Spiritual:
As a result of the bad things that have happened in her life, Travay has lost most of her mother's Anglican faith. She thinks she can go it alone without God (but God is waiting for her to turn to Him). 

Negative Traits: 
Travay is quick to judge and jump to conclusions. She extends little mercy to anyone, especially a confessed pirate who tries to make excuses for his pirating by calling himself a privateer. Through the course of the story, she discovers her own need of mercy and how to extend it lovingly to others.

Values: 
Travay values a good name, wealth, heritage,compassion and determination.

Goal: to escape a forced marriage and win the love of a good man, find security and regain her lost estates.

Epiphany (a sudden intuitive leap of understanding). 
Travay will come to see her pride and spoiled attitude as wrong and become humbled by her love for Lucas, whom she rediscovers as the pirate Captain Lucas Bloodstone Barrett. During the crisis of his arrest and sentencing to hang, Travay comes to a vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ. She determines to save Lucas from the hangman's noose, no matter what it costs her, and repay a debt she owes him for his earlier rescues.

Do you have other ideas to add to a character sketch? Next time we will look at my hero's character sketch, Captain Lucas Bloodstone Barrett.

Thanks for stopping by! Do leave a comment and share the blog, if you enjoyed it, on Twitter and FB.

Elva Cobb Martin