Getting the First Page Right--Hopefully

by  Elva Cobb Martin

Recently I took the first pages of my wip, Spanish Captive, for critiquing to a writers' group hosted by Yvonne Lehman in Black Mountain, North Carolina. The writers present had some great advice. I think. I also did the same for our ACFW-SC Chapter meeting the following week. Diana Flegal in Yvonne's group suggested I start the first page with a particular sentence that I had in the middle of page 2. So, when I took the same pages to the ACFW-SC critique group, I rewrote the first page, as an alternate option, beginning with that sentence. Every member of the ACFW-SC critique group agreed that the second beginning with this new opening was best.  Here are the two pages. What do you think?

Beginning #1

Jamaica 1700’s       (Inspirational historical romance)

 Chapter 1    

Hidden deep in the ship's hold, Seema Valentin rocked her sleeping charge on her lap. If only she could keep two-year-old Joshua quiet and their presence secret for a few more hours. Once they were well out to sea, surely the captain and Lucas Barrett would not turn back to Jamaica. Would Captain Wentworth be furious she’d stowed away with his son?

Reverend Ethan Wentworth, now Captain Wentworth of his own ship, a French merchantman. Just thinking her indentured master’s name, not to mention his new status, caused Seema’s heart to jump against her ribs and her breath to catch. But the next moment, moisture gathered in her eyes and her shoulders curled. Her secret past weighed like a sack of stones upon her back.

The child whimpered and awoke.

Shaking aside her troubled thoughts, Seema looked down into the bright eyes of the toddler, his rosy face a perfect blend of his deceased mother’s and Reverend Wentworth’s. He had Hannah Wentworth’s fair skin and oval face, but his father Ethan’s startling pewter eyes, wide forehead and curly chestnut hair. Having been the child’s nanny since he was a newborn, Joshua seemed like her own.

 “Good morning, little man,” she whispered and kissed him on the cheek. “We’re on an adventure with your father and Mr. Barrett. You’re on a real ship. Your father’s own ship, as a matter of fact. Feel the movement? Hear the waves lapping the hull? Isn’t it wonderful? You’ll get to be with your father every day.”

And so will I. But what chance would a soiled piece of goods like her ever have with a man like him?

                                      ***                                                           Beginning #2  

Charles Town 1700's  

Chapter 1

My hero Captain Ethan Wentworth

Ethan Wentworth had been gone six months and seemed changed in many ways.

Cloaked in the early morning shadows of the cemetery, Seema Valentin watched him place flowers on his wife's grave. Her heart hammered against her ribs so hard, she feared he might hear. He’d left Charles Town as the grieving minister of the small Presbyterian Church. He had returned as a privateer captain of his own ship.

His bronzed face and thicker arms and torso only hinted at the greater change Seema sensed in his heart. How had he become what many would call a pirate?

Ethan turned and Seema shrank behind a monument. But he saw her.

“Seema.” His deep voice rooted her bare feet in the dew-laden grass.

He walked toward her. “I’m glad you followed me. I have something to tell you.”

Trembling, she looked into his pale grey, almost pewter, eyes. He stood a head taller than she.

“You must know how much I appreciate—and Hannah appreciated—your care for our Joshua these past two years.”

She nodded and heat climbed up her neck at his closeness. A scent of sea, leather and spice tantalized her senses. 

“However, my parents are immigrating to Charles Town, and Cousin Emma is coming too.They will take over Joshua’s care.”

Joshua. His child she'd cared for since a newborn. Her heart fell to her feet and the blood drained from her cheeks. What was he saying? 

He searched her face and hesitated. Then he laid a broad, warm hand on her shoulder. “But in no wise are you to fret about your future. I’m going to grant you freedom from any indentured obligation, and I'll also help you return to your home and family. Wherever that is.” 

Seema averted her face and tried to swallow, but her throat had gone dry. She could never return home.

                                            ***

Which beginning do you like best and why? Would love to hear your comments. This book is actually Book 2 in a series. 

Onward!

Elva Martin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Blackbeard's Anniversary

by Elva Cobb Martin

I blogged on Blackbeard a couple of years ago and thought you might like this shared again as we approach the anniversary of Blackbeard's capture and death on November 22. This was part of my research for my pirate novel, In a Pirate's Debt, for which I am seeking representation.  The below was actually published as an article and a later reprint.

  

                                           Blackbeard's Flag 

Pirates - Part 2  Blackbeard

To review, in the first part we shared that piracy had their greatest days in our Atlantic waters in the 1600-1700’s. Many governments at the time supported piracy encouraging it as a cheap way to get expensive goods into their country, especially from their enemies. England and others issued “letters of marque” which gave their own “privateers” as they called these type captains, permission to attack and plunder ships of their enemies.

But piracy became so prevalent at times that honest sea trade almost ground to a halt. Then governments withdrew letters of marque, tracked down the pirates, and hanged them in public.

The history of Charleston, South Carolina, records such a story involving Blackbeard, one the most notorious pirates of all who roamed the Eastern seaboard and the Caribbean.

In May of 1718, Edward Teach, alias Blackbeard, sailed into Charleston with his fleet of pirate ships. He blockaded the harbor, captured and plundered nine ships and took several hostages including Samuel Wragg, a member of the S.C. legislature. After interrogating the hostages about the remaining ships in the harbor—their cargoes and destinations—the victims were thrown down half-naked into the hold.

In exchange for the prisoners, Blackbeard demanded of Governor Johnson something he did not find on the plundered ships, mainly a large supply of meds used to relieve a pirate’s recurring nightmare—syphilis. Blackbeard warned that if his demands were not met, he would execute all the hostages and then raid and sack Charleston.

The legislature complied. It seemed that shame, indignation, and revenge were outranked by fear. Actually, it was wisdom that outranked the lot, with revenge simply being reserved.

Blackbeard sailed away, and he had to be gloating over the fact that not only had he taken the most valuable loot of his career, he had, as one writer put it, “reduced to total submission the proud and militant people of South Carolina without firing a single shot.”

What Blackbeard and his cohorts did not count on was that in the South, revenge rides hard on the heels of humiliation.

Once the pirate squadron sailed out of Charleston Harbor and Samuel Wragg and the other hostages had replaced their clothing, if not their dignity, white-hot Southern dander rose to the surface in the Charleston waters.

It was just the stimulus needed for the difficult task of subduing a hitherto fashionable vice.
History records the results.

The courts of Charleston, in November of that same year, tried, convicted and caused to be hanged in the period of one month a total of 49 pirates.

The pride of South Carolina was certainly restored in great measure by these successes against piracy. Blackbeard, however, was not among those executed in Charleston.

He died on November 22, 1718, at the hand of Lt. Robert Maynard. Maynard and his crew, sent by Lt. Gov. Alexander Spotswood of Virginia, challenged Blackbeard near his Ocracoke, North Carolina, hideout. After being wounded an astounding 25 times, 20 cutlass wounds and five gunshot wounds, Blackbeard succumbed.

Lt. Maynard battles Blackbeard

Maynard reportedly chopped off Blackbeard’s head and attached it to his mast to sail home. Legend has it that when they threw the body over board, it swam around the boat seven times before sinking.

So goes the story of Blackbeard.

In England the last pirate of this era was strung up in 1840, and in America the last one was hung in 1862.

What is your favorite pirate tale? Why do you think pirates, who for the most part were a dastardly group, still tantalize new generations?

Please join the conversation and share this on Twitter and Facebook by clicking the small buttons below.
Elva Cobb Martin

Before You Hit the Send Button to an Editor

by Elva Cobb Martin @elvacobbmartin 

At the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers' Conference in May I received a request for a full manuscript after pitching my inspirational historical romance, In a Pirate's Debt, to an editor.

I am so glad I had the forethought to tell her that I'd have it to her by June 5 instead of immediately. I wanted to troll back through it ONE more time. Actually, I've just gone through it two more times. I feel like I've backstroked across the Caribbean!

Here are some things I looked at carefully, besides misspelled words, grammar and punctuation:

1) The first and last pages - for hook and HEA ending with hint of Book 2

2) Deep POV: I didn't want to use she "heard, thought         wondered, felt" (Just  give the thing heard, thought, felt)
      Ex. She heard the boy call him Captain.
            The boy called him Captain.
      Ex. She wondered who he really was.
            Who was Captain Lucas Bloodstone Barrett?

3) Ellipses: space-dot-space-dot-space-dot-space (four spaces,         3 dots) And do not use many ellipses!
       "But . . . Arundel!"
       "Are you hurt? Did he . . .?" 

4) Keep all dialog, action, action beats, thoughts of each character in the same paragraph unless interrupted by other speaker.

5) Avoid ing verb forms and over use of prepositional phrases.
    Ex. He must pursue his goal of finding out about his mother.
     He must pursue his goal. He would find out what happened.

6) Use contractions in dialog and thoughts to make them flow.

7) Watch for POV slips.

8) Watch for telling!

9) NOTE: To use Find and Replace to change the spelling of a name throughout the ms, be sure to put a space before and after both words in the Find slot and the Replace slot. Otherwise, words with the same letters will be skewed up. Example: I had to change Captain Ned Lowe to "Low." I did not put the spaces in and all the words in my ms with "low" in them (slowed, followed) got messed up.Whew. ( :

10) Last, I did an msword spelling and grammar check and it caught some things I had missed in spite of everything. ( :

Finally, I hit the send button and knew how baby Moses' mother felt when she sent him off in that basket.

Do you have some other items you always check when editing your novel?  Please leave a comment.

Thanks for stopping by.

Elva Cobb Martin

Susan Craft's New Book, Laurel

By Elva Cobb Martin

This week my dear friend and fellow member of our ACFW-SC Chapter, Susan Craft, is launching her new historical romantic suspense, Laurel. Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas will release the book January 15.

I've read Susan's Chamomile, the first book in this series, and I was so impressed with the story and the historical accuracy relating to South Carolina as well as the exciting plot.

I know you will not be disappointed if you check out this new endeavor of Susan's.

Here is the amazon blurb about Laurel:

Desperate to rescue their kidnapped daughter, Lilyan and Nicholas Xanthakos trek two hundred miles through South Carolina mountains and backcountry wilderness, fighting outlaws, hunger, sleeplessness, and despair. When the trail grows cold, the couple battles guilt and personal shame; Lilyan for letting Laurel out of her sight, and Nicholas for failing to keep his family safe. 

They track Laurel to the port of Charleston as post-Revolutionary War passions reach fever pitch. There, Lilyan, a former patriot spy, is charged for the murder of a British officer. She is thrown into the Exchange Building dungeon and chained alongside prostitutes, thieves, and murderers. Separated from her husband, she digs deep inside to re-ignite the courage and faith that helped her survive the war. Determined to free his wife at any cost, Nicholas finds himself forced back into a life of violence he thought he'd left behind.

Following a rumor that Laurel may be aboard a freighter bound for Baltimore, Lilyan and Nicholas secure passage on a departing schooner, but two days into the voyage, a storm blows their ship aground on Diamond Shoals. As the ship founders, both are swept overboard.

Will their love for each other and their faith sustain them as they await word of their missing child? Or is Laurel lost to them forever?

Susan's book is available on Amazon here:

www.amazon.com/dp/194110391X/

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment and share this on FB and Twitter. I know Susan will appreciate it so much.

Elva Cobb Martin

Writing Smarter and Sharper by Elva Cobb Martin

I have started back through my historical novel, In a Pirate's Debt with a critiquer's eye. I made a list of things I need to watch for, items my good critique partners might point out. These cover areas beyond the basics.

And, like all good things, they do take time so pull over out of the traffic of your to do list today with me and get your pencil sharpened.

1) Delete/change too often used ing verb forms (being, having, walking) and avoid overuse of prepositional phrases. :
  The duck is holding up traffic walking across the road.
vs. A mama duck and ten ducklings strutted across the stacked four lanes and no one blew a horn.    

Getting involved with Travay could pose a threat to his      (Captain Bloodstone's) goal of finding out what happened to his captured parents.
      vs: He did not have time to get involved with her. He must pursue his goal. He must find out what had happened to his parents.

2) In deep POV don't say the character "heard, thought, wondered" anything. Just give the actual fact.

  She heard the boy call the pirate Captain Bloodstone.
  vs. The boy called him Captain Bloodstone.
(Of course, if you're looking into the face of Gerard Butler as Atilla, you won't be able to hear anything but your heart pounding against your ribs).

3) Avoid naming emotions, show them.

     He made her feel safe.
vs: She expelled a huge breath, her eyes locked on the source of relief.
     She was grateful for the rescue.
vs: Her eyes softened and filled with an inner glow when she looked up at him.

4) Keep all dialog, action, and thoughts of each character in

the same paragraph unless interrupted by other speaker.
(Which can happen. Particularly if the other person is holding something behind their back.)

5) Use contractions in dialog.

6) Ellipses: space-dot-space-dot-space-dot-space
    "But . . . Arundel!"
    "Could it possibly be that . . . ?" (fourth dot or question mark is end of sentence)  

7) Can't use description tags like the below in current POV to comment on something said.
    Lucas looked out to sea as if to end the conversation. 
    vs. Lucas looked out to sea and Thorpe sauntered away.

8) I am told we no longer indent the first sentence of a new chapter or a POV change. Center the 3 *** for POV changes.
Use center button, not space bar. Then temporarily drag paragraph indent marker to left to finish centering.

Have you got all this, Elizabeth? 

Thanks for stopping by. Do you have a good tip to add to my list? I would love to hear from you.

Have a blessed Christmas and Wonderful New Year-- my prayer for you.

Elva Cobb Martin
 





     

Review of MaryLu Tyndall's Abandoned Memories

In this Book 3, Abandoned Memories, in her Escape to Paradise series, MaryLu takes us back to the Brazilian colony of Southerners who left the South after the Civil War.

The colonists have found their escape most definitely has not landed them in paradise where the living is easy. Their lives are filled with hard work, many dangers, natural enemies, and not a few supernatural ones. In fact, this book reminds me of the spiritual warfare we found in This Present Darkness.

Despite all the dangers, labor and spiritual warfare in Abandoned Memories, we still find a sweet love story between two very human and broken people, James Calloway and Angeline Moore. Not only do they have to combat all the various terrors that attack the colony, including huge army ants, they have to overcome their own past failures to find true love.

This is a great read if you love adventure laced with courage, romance, and mighty spiritual principles.

I found the Epilogue and Author’s Historical Note at the end of the story most satisfying and another confirmation of MaryLu’s diligent research she always puts in her novels.

I have no doubt this whole series would make a great movie. Bring it on!