Slipping out of POV - How to STOP Doing It

Great Guest Blog by Janice Hardy

Howdy Writer Friends and Readers,

I've just gone through line edits on my latest novel Marisol (to be launched on Amazon for pre-sales August 16 and released in November 2019). One of the things that cropped up was my slipping out of the POV character's head. Below is a great article about this. Hope you enjoy it! --Elva

Stepping Out: A Look at Point of View Shifts

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

A reader asked…

We always hear that if you slip out of POV you run the risk of jarring the reader out of the story. But is this really true? Surely we read published books that slip out of POV all the time? How can we spot slips in POV? Particularly in third person.

A point of view shift is when a POV character conveys something to the reader the POV character couldn’t possibly know. The most common one is when motive is attributed to a non-POV character, but having a non-POV character observe something about the POV is another one you see quite often. Sometimes they sneak by and readers don’t really notice them (we writers are far pickier on this topic than readers) but sometimes they do jar the reader out of the story because it’s clear the POV wouldn’t know that.

You have the super obvious shifts, where the reader is privy to more than one character’s thoughts and perspective in the same scene (or worse, the same paragraph):

John glanced down at his phone. Where r u? floated on the screen. Couldn’t that woman leave him alone? Stacy was his wife, not his parole officer. Stacy didn’t think so, and she waited with phone in hand, anxious for John to text her back. Why hadn’t he answered?

Feel that sudden yank there in the middle? Didn’t you think “Stacy didn’t think so…” was John’s opinion of her at first, then all of a sudden you were in Stacy’s head. This is a pretty bad POV shift, often referred to as “head hopping” because you’re jumping from head to head.

To keep the reader centered on the POV, you want to stick with one POV per scene or chapter. When you switch POVs, break the scene and start a new one.

Let’s look at the sneakier ones now:

John smiled at me, then reached over to brush dried leaves off my shoulder.

Can you spot the shift? The “to” implies motive, which the narrator couldn’t know until John actually brushed the leaves off her. There’s a good chance she hadn’t even known the leaves were there, so having that info is also a shift. Changing “to” to “and” shifts this back in to the narrator’s POV. She sees John reach over, and sees him brush leaves off her shoulder. Both are observable actions by the POV.

“To verb” is something that gets in there all the time, and yes, you see it in plenty of published books. Why if it’s a POV shift? Because there’s an inherent “the narrator knows the story and what happened” aspect to novels. Most people won’t even notice it because it’s so subtle. And like many inconsistencies in writing, not everyone will consider this a shift at all, because a farther narrative distance might allow for motive to be assumed. It’s the writer’s call on this one.

Implying motive also applies to third person:

John smiled at Lola, then reached over to brush dried leaves off her shoulder.

From this line it’s impossible to tell who the POV is, though oddly enough, both are shifting out of the POV. If John is the POV then it pulls back to the author telling motive (not showing it). If Lola is the POV, it’s a POV shift because just like in first person, Lola can’t know why John reaches for her.

Let’s look at some more obvious shifts:

I bumped into John outside the market. He looked at me and frowned, noticing the baby puke stain on my shirt.

The narrator can’t know what John notices. She can only see him look at her and frown. But here’s where it gets a little tricky. You could have something like…

I bumped into John outside the market. He looked down at the baby puke stain on my shirt and frowned.

If the narrator knows she has a stain on her shirt, it’s quite plausible that when she sees John look down at that area of her body he’s looking at the stain. The narrator observes an action and can guess the reason for it. That keeps the judgment of that action squarely in the POV’s head. If Lola didn’t know she had a stain, then the above example would have been a shift.

Same issues for third person:

Lola bumped into John outside the market. He looked at her and frowned, noticing the baby puke stain on her shirt.

John’s POV: The noticing is the author telling the reader what John notices.
Lola’s POV: The noticing is a POV shift.

You can also shift if you have your POV character noticing their own appearance or actions as an outside observer would.

Lola reached for the baby wipes just as the hot new stock boy came down the aisle. Her face turned bright scarlet.

This is another shift that not everyone would call a shift (and depending on your narrative distance, it might not be.) But if we’re inside Lola’s head looking out, she can’t know what color her face is. She can feel the heat of blushing, she can guess or assume her face turned scarlet, but she can’t know it. She doesn’t see it. You could also consider this telling as well, shifting out of Lola’s POV into the author’s. You can put it back in her POV by showing what she does, feels, and thinks:

Lola reached for the baby wipes just as the hot new stock boy came down the aisle. Her face flushed hot. Was it bright red? Gads, what if he saw her like this?

Spotting POV Shifts 

“To verb” is easy to search for and you’ll eliminate a lot of smaller shifts if you revise, in many cases, just using “and” instead. Other things you can look for:

• Any judgment or opinion statements of non-POV characters that aren’t in dialog. A non-POV character will only convey information by what they say and how the act. That’s all the POV can observe.
• Places where the POV states motive or opinion of a non-POV character. If the POV is guessing or basing their thought on what they can observe, then it’s probably okay. But if the POV is attributing a motive as if it’s fact (like in the noticing example above), you might be shifting.
• Anything the POV character wouldn’t know, couldn’t guess by observation, or couldn’t see.
• The POV referring to how they look.

It’s really up to the writer to decide how fanatical they want to be about subtle shifts (head hopping is a no-no). The tighter the POV and the closer the narrative distance, the more the shift affects how the text reads. The farther the narrative distance, the more acceptable a slight shift is because there’s another layer between reader and POV. There’s a sense that someone is relaying the info and they could know things the POV doesn’t.

Just think about what your POV can see/hear/smell etc. If it’s not something that falls within their senses, there’s a good chance they wouldn’t know about.

How do you handle searching for POV shifts? What words or phrases have you noticed frequently popping up?

Looking for tips on planning, writing, or revising your novel? Check out one of my books on writing:  Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, a self-guided workshop for planning or revising a novel, the companion Planning Your Novel Workbook, Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft, your step-by-step guide to revising a novel, and the first book in my bestselling Skill Builders Series, Understanding Show Don't Tell (And Really Getting It). 

A long-time fantasy reader, Janice Hardy always wondered about the darker side of healing. For her fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, she tapped into her own dark side to create a world where healing was dangerous, and those with the best intentions often made the worst choices. Her novels include The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book. It was also shortlisted for the Waterstones Children's Book Prize, and The Truman Award in 2011.

Janice is also the founder of Fiction University, a site dedicated to helping writers improve their craft. Her popular Foundations of Fiction series includes Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, a self-guided workshop for planning or revising a novel, the companion Planning Your Novel Workbook, Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft, your step-by-step guide to revising a novel, and the first book in her Skill Builders Series, Understanding Show Don't Tell (And Really Getting It).  

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Writing the Cozy Mystery - Part 3 the Main Components

by Elva Cobb Martin

You can review Part 1 and Part 2  of this series by clicking on my archives. We covered the differences between Mystery, Suspense and Horror novels in Part 1.
In Part 2 we defined what a Cozy Mystery is.

Today let's talk about the Main Components of a cozy we will need to plan.

The Amateur Sleuth
Unlike regular mysteries (detective stories, police procedures) a cozy has an amateur sleuth protagonist working to solve the mystery, although there may be trained law officers also working on the case. Think of Father Brown on Netflix, who solves the case right under the angry inspector's nose who tries to keep Father Brown out of the picture. Think of Agatha Christie's Miss Marple and Poirot. I love these amateur sleuths. And I love Sherlock Holmes, but can't class him as amateur. He's too much a brain.

Location/Setting
One reason I like Father Brown and Agatha Christies' series is the English village setting. Don't you love the stately old manors, churches, modes of travel, and the dress? I'm probably going to need to consider writing an historical cozy since I love historical stuff.

The Murder Victim and Crime
Eddie Jones, CEO of Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, says in his Cozy Mystery Workshop that the body must appear very soon in the story, definitely by the end of Chapter one or sooner. The crime must capture the reader's imagination and give enough information about the victim to make the reader care that justice will prevail.

Great Plotting
Like any other type story, we have to have a well-thought out plot. Plot usually has three main stages:

1) Beginning - getting to know the protagonist and set up for the conflict/crime
2) Conflict/Problem/Journey
3) Resolution

These are broken down into many parts. For a mystery it must also include clues, red herrings, and many twists until the very end. The end does not have to be happy but it must be satisfying.

Are you thinking about writing a mystery? Do you have a question? I look forward to your comments and please do share this on your social media by clicking on the below small icons.

Blessings,
Elva Cobb Martin
Link to all my books on Amazon: http://amzn.to/2pOgVHI

Planning Your Novel - Part 8 Outlining

by Elva Cobb Martin

Some kind of outline helps keep me on target and is also a great help in writing up the summary or synopsis of a novel. It's kind of like having OnStar or a GPS when traveling.

I am sure there are many ways to outline a novel, but here is what I do.

1) Write the pitch and premise out first. These are the "skeleton's" on which I will plan my scenes and chapters.

2) I keep reminding myself that my outline is very fluid and can be adjusted easily as I write the first draft.

Note: I am saying "outline" but what I'm really doing is listing scenes for each chapter, not doing a formal outline.

As a reminder from my earlier blogs, here is my pitch and premise for Spanish Rose, my historical romance wip.

Premise: 

Love, forgiveness, and determination can overcome the most horrifying experiences and poor choices when God is invited into the equation.

 Draft of my pitch:

Marisol Valentin must flee the murder of a Spanish nobleman who molested her by sailing to the New World only to realize no one but God can turn good out of the evil when her exposed past threatens to destroy all her dreams.

Here is the first chapter "outline" which is really a list of actual scenes I now have in my first draft of Spanish Rose.

Chapter 1

1) Rape/murder scene at Cadiz, Spain, stud farm: Marisol Valentin kills                                nobleman Diego Vargas

2) Marisol’s bedchamber, preparing to flee with maid Carmelo

3) On the road/path fleeing to Cadiz Harbor

4) Kidnapped by King’s men (indentured servant kidnappers) for King’s West                      Indies colonies, put on ship

5) Six weeks aboard and Marisol is throwing up in the chamber pot each                              morning on the Magdalena. 

6) English pirates attack the ship. Marisol given sword to defend herself and the                               other women.  (ENDING HOOK)

             (Carmelo dies of fever on pirate ship but told later as brief back story.)

One thing I always plan is an Ending Hook to all my chapters that will hopefully motivate the reader to keep reading to see what happens next.

I actually wrote 3 different openings scenes for this novel and tried them out on my critique partners at our S.C. Chapter of American Christian Writers. Next time, I may share the first paragraph of each of the three openings and see which you like the most.

Thanks for stopping by. How do you plan your scenes and chapters? Please leave a comment and share on your social media.

Blessings,

Elva Cobb Martin

Planning Your Novel Part 7 - Secondary Characters

by Elva Cobb Martin

 Villain, Don Rafael Castillo

Next to my hero and heroine, I believe a good villain is very important. I chose this photo of a character who was supposedly the best friend of a hero in a NetFlix series, but really was his worst enemy, doing all sorts of wicked things to discredit and harm the hero and win the heroine for himself. I have this man and photo in mind to draw my villain for my new novel. Remembering this character will help me get my villain right.

 Housekeeper - Mrs. Piper

I needed a wise voice, a dedicated Christian character, who will influence the heroine to turn to God. I chose this photo of the real Mildred Natick who played many secondary roles as a fiesty, stern, capable, big-hearted governess or housekeeper in movies. This woman is helping me draw my Mrs. Piper, the Chrstian housekeeper of my hero in my story who will greatly influence both h/h.

Here are just a few other secondary characters in my coming novel. I've found it good to have a photo to represent them, too, but won't include them here.

Emma Ducworth - Captain Ethan Becket's second cousin and a widow, pretty woman with 2-year old boy, comes with his parents to Charles Town and is interested in widower Ethan.

Grace Becket -  hero Captain Ethan's older sister he will rescue from Spanish captivity

Senora Lucia Chavez - heroine Marisol's aunt in Cartagena 

Tim Cullen -  loyal Irish Lieutenant on Captain Ethan's merchant ship

Danny -age 13, cabin boy on Captain Ethan's ship, he takes under his wing

I have quite a few other secondary characters and photos of them all unless their part is very small in the story.

Naming of Characters

A great help in naming my characters is  a fill-in sheet with blocks for the ABC's where I list each character's name to make sure I don't name too many characters with similar names, or starting with the same letter. This can be confusing during the writing and for my later readers.

How are you coming with your novel? Are you in the idea stage, outlining, or already writing up a storm?  Would love to hear from you, and please do share this blog on your social media for all those out there thinking about writing a novel. 

In my next blog I will share how I do a fluid chapter outline to keep me moving and on target in my novel writing. Perhaps it will help you. Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings,

Elva Cobb Martin

Planning Your Novel - Part 6 - Hero Charactization

by Elva Cobb Martin

How do you like this photo I chose to represent my current hero, privateer  Captain Ethan Beckett?

Doesn't that face, that intense look inspire you? It certainly did me. It is actually the face of the Turkish actor who played the hero in the NetFlix historical romance series "Kurt Seyit and Sura." I highly recommend this series for historical romance lovers.

Here is how I've planned out my character,

Captain Ethan Beckett, formerly Rev. Ethan Becket of Charles Town.

Basics: grieving widower, bitter since wife’s death, left the ministry and returned to the sea, his first love.

Physical Description: tall- 6 feet, 2 in.; muscular, deep-set pewter eyes,   chestnut brown hair pulled back in a queue (braid), full beard and mustache, sun-tanned square face; flaring nostrils; straight eyebrows; thick neck, arms, chest; thin lips; great with sword and sailing a ship.

Internal  Goal/motivation– overcome his grief and bitterness over wife’s death and second child at birth and raise his first child Joshua in a happy home

External – Find and rescue his sister from Spanish captivity

Core Need:  To find the peace and happiness he once had during his first marriage and ministry

Character and Spiritual Arc

Persona: (face he shows the world) Bitter, easily angered, arrogant, now drinks, doesn’t think God cares or was fair in letting his godly wife Olivia  and child die in child birth. Vows never to love again.

Essence: unmoored, feels cut-off from all that is good, guilt-ridden for backsliding, feels a failure, wishing he could find his way back to sanity and peace.

Will Become: a stronger minister than he ever was with renewed faith in God’s love, care and power to forgive and cleanse.  No longer angry or bitter, quits drinking, humble, able to risk loving again.

I have further notes planning my romantic arc for Captain Becket.

Now you've been introduced to my heroine and hero in my wip. How do you like them?  In my next blog I'll share about those important secondary characters that enrich our story.

I'm busy finishing the first three chapters and a proposal for some editors I met at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference in May who liked my pitch for this series and asked to see a proposal. Yes, tis a lot of work! But I'm taking you on the journey with me!

Are you working on a novel? Would love to hear your comments or questions. And please do share this blog on Twitter and Face book by clicking on the icons below.

Blessings,

Elva Cobb Martin

A New Blog Series: America's Prayer History - Part 1

by Elva Cobb Martin 

America’s Prayer History - Our  Most Precious National Treasure

As we head into the inauguration of a new U.S. President in January, I am going to share some amazing answered prayers that are part of our spiritual national treasure. 

These prayers were by American leaders and by prayer warriors just like you and me, and they impacted our nation’s destiny. Unfortunately, we don’t find these in most of our school textbooks, so we must share them with our children and grandchildren. 

At the end of this series, I hope you’ll decide to join the long line of praying Christians before us, take up the torch, and continue the prayer march down the halls of America’s history. YOUR prayers can impact our nation in the coming years and birth the next Great Awakening.

In this series I hope to share sample stories of how simple but fervent prayer led to the discovery of the Americas, helped the colonies become established and preserved and strengthened our ragtag Continental army to break the back of the formidable British war machine, inspired the documents that have guided our country through two centuries, inspired four Great Awakenings, and forged a broken nation back together after the Civil War. 

Truly, through all our national conflicts, from the Revolutionary War to the current Middle East Wars, America has been preserved through the incredible power of praying Americans.

For this series I give upfront thanks to researchers David Balsiger, Joette Whims, and Melody Hunskor and their work, The Incredible Power of Prayer, published by Tyndale House in 1998. The Incredible Power of Prayer traces the power of prayer in our nation's history through nearly 100 miraculous instances where prayer changed the course of our destiny. 

Here's a bit about Christopher Columbus:

Columbus Sailed to the Americas in 1492, praying the earth was round, not flat!

 Educators teach that Christopher Columbus’s main purpose for sailing west to the Americas was secular. But his personal diary reflects a different  motivation: “It was the Lord who put into my mind (I could feel His hand upon me) that it would be possible to sail from here (Europe) to the Indies...The fact that the gospel must still be preached to so many lands in such a short time, this is what convinces me.”

A priest friend shared a verse of scripture with Columbus  that convinced him the earth must be round. “To whom then will you liken God...It is He that sitteth upon the circle of the earth...” (Isaiah 41:18,22).

Hope you are having a blessed Christmas Season!

Elva Cobb Martin, President ACFW-SC Chapter
www.elvamartin.com

My Journey to a Book Contract - Five Vital Steps (Part 2)

by Elva Cobb Martin

For a long while my dream of securing a book contract seemed like an impossible goal- like reaching for a castle in the sky.

If you missed Part 1, you can find it in the archives.

Here's a quick list of the Five Steps that helped me finally land my first book contract. It is with Prism Book Group for my inspirational romantic suspense novel, Summer of Deception, to be released in 2017. 

Drum-m-m ROL-L-L! I have recently signed a second contract with Lighthouse Publishers of the Carolinas for my historical, In a Pirate's Debt! So now I am into edits on TWO books at the same time. (Yes, that's a prayer request in the subtext). Selling the second book has been quicker maybe because I started writing it before I sold the first one. ( : 

Here are the five steps I listed in Part 1:

1) NEVER give up!
2) Keep Honing Your Craft
3) Importance of Conferences and Writing Groups
4) Help Other Writers
5) Learn how to Submit to Editors and Agents

Part 2  Keep Honing Your Craft!

Learn how to Plot a Novel  - 4 Ways I’ve Studied               

A) The detailed Authors Boot Camp Manual can be found at

    http://seekerville.blogspot.com/2016/01/the-authors-boot-camp-   manual-for-2016.html. (archived under Boot Camp)   

     There are tons of links compiled for every aspect of plotting and writing a book! And it’s all free—the best articles from some of the best authors you’ll find. 

B) The Snowflake Method by Randy Ingermanson. Find his 10 detailed steps under Products at  http://www.advancefictionwriting.com

         
Randy, a former software architect, lists 10 Steps that he compares to a snowflake in building a novel. He has a software program on it and a detailed book you can purchase on Amazon.)

   Here are the first 4 steps briefly which he covers in detail on his site and in his book.

      Step 1 - Take an hour and write a one sentence summary of your novel idea.

         Ex. “A rogue physicist travels back in time to kill the Apostle Paul.”

      Step 2 - Take another hour and expand that sentence into a full paragraph describing the story setup, 3 major disasters, and the ending.

      Step 3 – Characters: Write a one-page summary for each character telling their name, their storyline, their motivation, goal, conflict, and epiphany (Details on site)

       Step 4 – Expand each sentence in your paragraph summary into a full paragraph each. The final paragraph should tell how the book ends.

End each chapter with a cliff hanger!

C)  MaryLu Tyndall’s basic method for historicals: Starts with research

           1) Do detailed main character sketches with photos and index cards of main characters

           2) Write synopsis of basic story line and chapter by chapter summary

           3) Write the first draft down fast in creative mode. No editing or checking research details. Get the main plot points down, about 40,000 words

           4) Rewrite/Expand adding the polish, research details, DPOV, five senses add more tension/conflict, and end each chapter with a cliff hanger.

           5) Edit for final draft

           6) She keeps three docs pulled up in computer when writing:

              a)Chapter by Chapter summary which she uses to write the first draft, (I have a Scene List doc for each chapter as I write the scenes)

              b) A To-Remember Doc which lists things she needs to keep track of like dates, back story, ancestry, research items

              c) Add-in Doc – lists all the extra ideas that she comes up with while doing other stuff that she wants to add in later

                       (In editing to cut my novel word count, I added a “Cuts” document to paste in all cuts which I may want to use later in blogs.

              Find MaryLu’s other Writing Tips at http://www.crossandcutlass.blogspot.com

D) Prescription for Plotting Notebook by Carolyn M. Greene (Pass it around)

   

       A fantastic 3-ring binder with 75 pages of worksheets, forms and easy instructions to help plot your novel. Order it from:

           Carolyn Greene, P.O. Box 412, Powhattan, VA 23139 

      Send check or money order for $25 plus $5 for shipping.  Check out her site at    http://carolynpd.fortunecity.ws/

       (I highly recommend this notebook, if still available.)

Three “plots” I worked up for Summer of Deception

           

The main romance plot between heroine Rachel and hero Luke.

The suspense/mystery subplot of who is smuggling drugs on the Charleston coastline and what really happened to Rachel’s brother declared dead by the DEA.

The spiritual subplot of Luke’s struggle to regain faith and the testing of Rachel’s faith

The Spectrum for Spiritual Plots for Inspirational novels from Ron Benry’s Writing Christian Fiction

    ♦ At the High End: A conversion/redemption scene of a main character, grace in action

    ♦ The Middle Ground: Jesus at work in the lives of one or more characters  

    ♦ At the very least: Show progress in a lead character’s Christian walk or reaffirmed faith.

          OR: Challenge your protagonist’ moral beliefs. Judith Rolfs in a new mystery release by Prism Books, Never Tomorrow, has a scene in which the heroine’s moral belief in chastity is challenged by a character she has begun to think of in a romantic way and the heroine gives a great “No” answer.

My take on all this is: Weave in the spiritual plot through “parable/story style” not preachy style.

Don't miss the next blog(s) when I will share other writing skills I had to gain mastery in: Goals, Motivation and Conflict; MRU's; and How to Show not Tell. 

What has helped you most in plotting or planning your book? Please reply by leaving a comment and click and share this with friends on Twitter and FB.

Blessings on your day,
Elva Cobb Martin