Writing the Many Faces of Love - Part 3 Agape

by Elva Cobb Martin  3/6/15

In creating characters it a good idea to understand the nuances or types of love. This is true whether we write romances, general fiction or creative nonfiction.

In this series we are covering four Greek words which are translated into our English word love: agape, stergo, phileo, eros. In part 2 we covered eros. You can get all parts of this series by clicking back to earlier posts.  As a quick review here are brief definitions of these four:

• Agape: the highest form of love. God's kind of love for us the kind he wants to produce in our lives for others. This love has no strings attached.                
• Phileo - brotherly love between between friends or a boyfriend and girlfriend. Two people who feel compatible, well-matched, complementary.  
• Stergo - love that exists between parents and children or family members.     
• Eros - a carnal, raw, base, demanding love in Greek culture. C.S. Lewis says it also includes romantic passion which for the Christian should lead to marriage. Otherwise it leads to various kinds of sex sin.

Today we want to zoom in on agape love, the highest form of love and the one the Bible speaks of most often. Examples include John 3:16 speaking of God's love for the world. But the Apostle Paul also used this same Greek word in Galatians 5:22, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love . . . ." He used it translated as charity in I Corinthians 14:1 "Follow after charity. . . ." The word follow in the Greek means to hotly pursue. So we are to hotly pursue agape love during our lives on earth. 

One scholar describes this kind of love like this: Agape occurs when an individual sees, recognizes, understands or appreciates the value of a person or object, causing the viewer to behold this person in great esteem, awe, admiration, wonder and sincere appreciation. It is a sacrificial type of love that moves the lover to loving actions.

Eros love is a self-seeking love.

Stergo is limited to one's family.

Phileo is based on mutual satisfaction and can feel disappointed.

But agape is a love that has no strings attached. Like someone who would freely give their life for someone else.

It isn't looking for what it can get, but for what it can give. This pure kind of love makes it impossible to be hurt or let down by the response of its recipients.

Jesus Christ is the prime example of this kind of love, but he desires that it also flow from us and, in our case as writers, I believe from our writing.

Some of the most famous characters in books and movies have been examples of this kind of love. It makes for inspiring reading.

Two other Bible examples are: Jacob's love for Rachel (and Leah's love for Jacob.) Then there's Hannah's love for Samuel keeping her promise to lend him to the Lord.

Fiction and real life abound with characters and couples whose love is agape-based but may include the other types of love as well. Here are just a few that come to mind.

Melanie in Gone with the Wind

George Knightley and Emma Woodhouse in Emma

Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice

Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe in Green Gables

Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Billy and Ruth Graham 

Soldiers, law officers and firemen who give or risk their lives to protect us.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg developed a Triangular Theory of Love to describe romantic love. His interesting chart shows the type of love a person or a character might share with another character. 

His three main components are:

1. Intimacy -feelings of attachment, closeness, friendship                         
2. Passion - sexual attraction                           
3. Commitment  - make plans for a future together, marriage. 

Can you draw characterizations from this information about love? 

Thanks for stopping by. I'd love for you to share your comments.

Elva Cobb Martin

Writing the Many Faces of Love - Part 2 Eros

    by Elva Cobb Martin

Love is a many-splendored thing, as one writer put it some time ago. And it has at least four faces. In Part 1 of this series we introduced four Greek words that are translated into our one English word "love."  

• Agape
• Stergo
• Phileo
• Eros

You can review Part 1 by clicking down to the previous blog.

Since the controversial movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, came out last weekend, I want to zoom in on the Greek word Eros because this is the type "love" or erotica that movie presents.  

To the Greeks Eros describes a carnal, raw, base, demanding passion, craving for sexual gratification at whatever cost necessary to the other partner. However, C.S. Lewis, says eros also includes romantic passion, that "soaring and iridescent feeling of being in love." He says for the Christian, this passion leads to marriage. Another writer says there is a "false sanction" of eros. The idea that "this feels so good, it must be all right" or "God surely doesn't judge this" that leads to adultery, homosexuality and other sex sins.We'll talk more about romantic passion in a later blog.

I have not read the first installment in the Fifty Shades triology by British author E. L. James, nor seen the movie and don't intend to. Others reviews suffice. My resources for the following comments include articles by J. Lee Grady, minister and columnist for Charisma Magazine, and Janet Kobobel Grant, with Books & Such Literary Agency.

Grady lists three of the biggest reasons a Christian should run from Fifty Shades of Grey book and movie. They incorporate characteristics of Eros that even liberal Greek culture labeled as carnal, raw, demanding. 

1. It encourages sexual deviance. The heroine submits to the sexual abuse and enjoys it, signalling to women everywhere that it's OK to be a mindless sexual slave, especially if your boyfriend is rich, handsome and has his own helicopter.
2. It glorifies violence against women.
   
   Just as there is a link between violent video games and violent behavior in teen boys, a study showed that women who read graphic porn novels tend to gravitate toward the types of behavior depicted like Fifty Shades. The study also showed these women were more likely to have eating disorders.
3. It totally perverts the meaning of real love.  In one scene in the book, "hero" Christian buys heroine Ana a platinum and diamond bracelet so she can cover the bruises on her wrists--which she got being tied to the bed. The message?  I will hurt you, but I will buy you nice gifts so you will stay with me. That's twisted.

I do not read porn and never plan to depict this kind of love, better described as perverted lust, in my inspirational romances. But I think it could be alluded to as part of a villain's character

Janet Grant blogged that the popularity of the Fifty Shades trilogy and the first movie will produce a groundswell of erotica to be written, published and produced. But she also says, "It's important to remember that for every trend there is a counter-trend. With erotica going mainstream, it also means more "sweet" romances will be in demand."

Now that's some good news. What do you think?

Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to your comments.
Elva Cobb Martin

Writing the Many Faces of Love - Part 1

by Elva Cobb Martin

Four Greek words explain the many faces of what we call love in English.This is the month we celebrate love on Valentine's Day and it prompted me once again to search out these four main types of love. Understanding these words will help me paint characters in much more detail. The books and movies I've enjoyed the most usually have several characters who illustrate one of these that maybe the main characters don't and thus enrich the story. Think of Melanie and Scarlet O'Hara. Think of Jane Austen's palette of characters and Debbie Macomber's. You will find characters portraying most of these.

• agape
• stergo
• phileo 
• eros

Here are some photos depicting types of love. Can you match the words with the photos? Hints: The words are not in order with the pictures and one of the words is not illustrated, the one that would describe the "lust" portrayed in 50 Shades of Grey and to which I will give no photo clue or endorsement of any kind. 

Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

It will take another blog or two to give the richness of these four Greek words describing love, so this is the introduction. Up front I want to assure you I am NOT a Greek scholar. But I do readily admit I am a Greek student because the New Testament was originally written in Greek.

Here are the brief overview definitions of these four words.

1. Agape - God's kind of love for us and the one He wants the Holy Spirit to produce in us. The highest form of love.
2. Stergo - love between parents, children, family
3. Phileo - affability shared between two friends, affection,   romance
4. Eros - a carnal, raw,base, demanding love, craving for sexual gratification

Did you match the pictures with the right words? 

I would love to read your comments. 

Elva Cobb Martin

Charles Dickens Happy Birthday February 7

Highlighting Charles Dickens    

       by Elva Cobb Martin with material from Posthaven Posts

Literary Birthday -  February 7 - Charles Dickens

Happy Birthday, Charles Dickens, born 7 February 1812, died 9 June 1870

10 Memorable Charles Dickens Quotes

1. The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists. 
2. My advice is to never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time.
3. There are books of which the backs and covers are by far the best parts.
4. Poetry makes life what lights and music do the stage.
5. What greater gift than the love of a cat.
6. It has always been my opinion since I first possessed such a thing as an opinion, that the man who knows only one subject is next tiresome to the man who knows no subject. 
7. We forge the chains we wear in life.
8. The most important thing in life is to stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will'. Consider nothing impossible, then treat possibilities as probabilities.
9. No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.
10. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. (opening to Tale of Two Cities)

Dickens is known as the greatest Victorian novelist. He was a prolific author of short stories, plays, novellas, novels, and non-fiction books. He is known for his memorable characters and his depictions of the social classes, morals, and values of his times. His works include Great Expectations, Oliver Twist, Bleak House, Our Mutual Friend, and David Copperfield.

I am so glad you stopped by today. What do you remember best about Charles Dickens?

 Please leave a comment and tweet and share this article on FB if you've a mind to.

I thank Posthaven Posts and Amanda Patterson for this information on Dickens.

Elva Cobb Martin 

Susan Craft's New Book, Laurel

By Elva Cobb Martin

This week my dear friend and fellow member of our ACFW-SC Chapter, Susan Craft, is launching her new historical romantic suspense, Laurel. Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas will release the book January 15.

I've read Susan's Chamomile, the first book in this series, and I was so impressed with the story and the historical accuracy relating to South Carolina as well as the exciting plot.

I know you will not be disappointed if you check out this new endeavor of Susan's.

Here is the amazon blurb about Laurel:

Desperate to rescue their kidnapped daughter, Lilyan and Nicholas Xanthakos trek two hundred miles through South Carolina mountains and backcountry wilderness, fighting outlaws, hunger, sleeplessness, and despair. When the trail grows cold, the couple battles guilt and personal shame; Lilyan for letting Laurel out of her sight, and Nicholas for failing to keep his family safe. 

They track Laurel to the port of Charleston as post-Revolutionary War passions reach fever pitch. There, Lilyan, a former patriot spy, is charged for the murder of a British officer. She is thrown into the Exchange Building dungeon and chained alongside prostitutes, thieves, and murderers. Separated from her husband, she digs deep inside to re-ignite the courage and faith that helped her survive the war. Determined to free his wife at any cost, Nicholas finds himself forced back into a life of violence he thought he'd left behind.

Following a rumor that Laurel may be aboard a freighter bound for Baltimore, Lilyan and Nicholas secure passage on a departing schooner, but two days into the voyage, a storm blows their ship aground on Diamond Shoals. As the ship founders, both are swept overboard.

Will their love for each other and their faith sustain them as they await word of their missing child? Or is Laurel lost to them forever?

Susan's book is available on Amazon here:

www.amazon.com/dp/194110391X/

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment and share this on FB and Twitter. I know Susan will appreciate it so much.

Elva Cobb Martin

Rejection - Forcing Life Into My Wings

by Elva Cobb Martin

The lovely Emperor Moth has an interesting life story that helped me get through a rejection in my inbox this week. Here's a bit about the moth. Maybe it will help you.

A woman once kept a cocoon of an Emperor Moth for a year waiting for it the moth to emerge.

The cocoon had a strange construction in that the neck had a very narrow opening through which the mature insect would have to force its way. 

The great disparity between the size of the opening and size of the imprisoned moth made the onlooker wonder how the insect would ever emerge. She studied and found that it is believed the pressure to which the moth's body is subjected when passing through such a narrow passage is nature's way of forcing fluids into the wings.

And she could hardly wait to see those beautiful wings.

One day she witnessed the first efforts of her imprisoned moth to escape from its long confinement. She watched for some time as it patiently struggled to be free. It seemed unable to get beyond a certain point. Finally, the woman decided to give the moth a helping hand. With the point of her scissors, she snipped the confining threads to make the exit easier. The moth immediately rolled out, dragging a swollen body. The woman was sure she'd soon see the wings expand into their beautiful colors that were all there in miniature. But she looked in vain. The moth suffered an aborted life and only lived a few minutes.

Writing is a lot like writhing as you struggle to master the craft and edit and rewrite and rework and redo the whole process as long as it takes to escape from Unpubbed Island. 

I've decided to mark down the rejections in this struggle in honor of the Emperor Moth. They are part of the pressure that is simply forcing life into my wings!

How do you handle rejections? Do you feel like doing this?

Thanks for stopping by. Please join the conversation and share this blog on twitter and face book by clicking the buttons below.

Elva Cobb Martin

Note: Resources for this blog include Streams in the Desert and Bing Images.

A Love Story That Trumps Downton Abbey

I have tuned in to all four seasons of Downton Abbey and have my TV set to record Season Five. You bet.

However, it being January, I have restarted my January Bible Readthrough using the Amplified Bible and once again, I am enthralled, shocked and amazed at the love story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel (and in that order) found in Genesis 29-30.

I mean here is a good-looking hunk named Jacob (which means supplanter and that should warn you) who has tricked his brother out of his birthright and has to flee from home before his brother kills him.

On the way Jacob has an out of body, dreamy experience, a confrontation with God and angels, that starts a big change in his spiritual life. He names the place Bethel (the house of God) and promises to tithe from that moment on.

I can't say it took that kind of experience to get me to start tithing, but it would have been nice, ladder and all.

After this experience, Genesis 29:1 in the Amplified Bible begins: "Then Jacob went (briskly and cheerfully) on his way (400 miles) and came to the land of the people of the East." --So we have a concrete idea what kind of energy experiences like Jacob's can give a person on a quest. Bring them on!

Of course, Jacob is looking for his Uncle Laban's family and after the 400 miles he has a piece of luck at a well. He discovers Uncle Laban's lovely daughter Rachel coming to water her father's sheep. He helps her and afterwards, the Bible says so succinctly: "Then Jacob kissed Rachel and he wept aloud." Talk about love at first sight! This sentence brings tears to my eyes. Maybe part of it is for the 400 miles and finding a well of water.

You know this story. Jacob agrees to work seven years for Rachel and the Bible stays "they seemed to him a few days." Does ANY body love like this today? Including Matthew and all the many loves of Mary and everyone upstairs and downstairs at the Abbey?

On Jacob's and Rachel's supposed wedding night (after heavy drinking most surely) weak-eyed older sister Leah is slipped into the marriage bed instead of Rachel by their father Laban. (Doesn't this scene far surpass the scene in Downton Abbey when the Turk slips into Mary's bed???)

Right now I want to tell you, I am on Leah's side. It's kind of like for the first 25 years of my adult life I was on Scarlet's side every time I watched Gone with the Wind. But, finally, I realized the kind of skunk Scarlet really was and I started being on Melody's side (and I will always be on Rhett's side, OF COURSE).

Jacob finally gets Rachel but God takes note of dear Leah who has had no choice in this matter (but I know she LOVES that hunk Jacob and he must feel something for her . . . . I mean, a bunch of sons keep coming.

Here they are and their names heartsick but forever positive Leah gives them:

1. Reuben which means "See, a son."  Are you looking, Jacob?
2. Simeon: God hears. "The Lord heard that I am despised."
3. Levi: Companion. "Now my husband will be a companion to me for I have borne him three sons."
4. Judah: Praise. "Now I will praise the Lord."       

Then more shocking things happen. Both Rachel and Leah give their MAIDS to Jacob and ASK him to sleep with them (what kind of man is he??) As far as that goes, what kind of women are they?

So both the maids deliver babies supposedly on the knees of Rachel and Leah so they can count them as their own. Double Wow! What an easy way to get a child is all I can say. My son took 12 hours off my life at the gate of death birthing him.

This story goes on and on for several seasons of Jacob's life and Leah's and Rachel's but I want to jump you to the surprising end and a question that might plague the casual reader of this true story.

Do you wonder if Jacob ever came to really love and appreciate dear Leah? Well, I've got a definite clue for you.

WHICH woman, Rachel or Leah, did he request to be buried beside?

Here are some of Jacob's last words on his death bed in Egypt, his instructions to Joseph about death and burial. (Genesis 49:29-31)

"He charged them and said to them, I am to be gathered to my people, bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite . . . and there I buried Leah."

There you go.

Downton Abbey is good, but this true story is better and a lot more inspiring.

What do you think?

Thanks for stopping by. Please do leave a comment and, if you have time, share this by clicking on the Twitter or FB button below.

Happy, Blessed New Year and Onward!
Elva Cobb Martin